Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
