Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
