I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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