I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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