Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
