those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
