I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
