Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
