that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
