That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
