Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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