Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
