her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
