At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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