I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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