There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
