i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
