i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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