have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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