She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
