Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
you never un-have a 4some
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
