the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
