I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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