ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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