Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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