just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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