I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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