so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
