pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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