I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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