I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
