What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
