this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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