If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
