Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
