I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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