I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize