wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
