Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
