i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
