well I can't set my house on fire every night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize