I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
