that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
