HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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