You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
