i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
