What a fucking waste of an outfit
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
