you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
