No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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