I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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