Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
