Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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