This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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