My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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