Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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