i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
