She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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