Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize