Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think my vagina is haunted
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
