Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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