It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
