so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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