I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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