I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays