he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
