Your dad touched me again.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?