apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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