I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.