Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.