Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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