She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
