i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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