How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
