I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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