it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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