You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
