dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
