Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
