So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
